Rousted Press

The Posthumous Papers of the Pickwick Club

Cows and the Effervescent Cough Syrup

Chapters 6-7:
Maeve, the twelve-year-old girl who lives on the farmland of the cows, wishes she were somebody special, someone like the old legend of Queen Medb. She hates her life, is bored by the cows, and is troubled by the incompetence of her alcoholic father. She roams the fields, keeps a journal, and helps put her dad to bed.

Down at the ponds, Fitzgerald is still immobilized by the mouth of a horrid cow and must watch as a second vile beast urinates in his boots. He is beyond mortified when one of the animals defecates on the books, and his crippled brain turns to fantasy to try to deal with his poor reality.

The Posthumous Papers of the Pickwick Club

Chapter 2, Part 1:
Mr. Pickwick records interesting information about a cab-driver's aging horse, and, joined by Mr. Snodgrass, Mr. Winkle, and Mr. Tupman, unintentionally almost starts a street brawl. They are saved by a stranger, who de-escalates the situation and orders raw beef-steak for Mr. Snodgrass's black eye. He then joins the Pickwick Club in their cab and tells such delightful stories that they invite him to dinner. After dinner, everyone retires drunkenly to bed except the stranger and Mr. Tupman, who lends the stranger Mr. Winkle's coat. They attend a ball upstairs, and the stranger, in pursuit of an old widow, insults a local Doctor. Doctor Slammer, failing to discover the stranger's name, sends a man to make his inquiries and discovers the name of the coat's owner: a one Mr. Winkle. Having no memory of insulting anyone, much less the prominent Doctor Slammer, Mr. Winkle does not consent to giving a written apology. The threat of a duel is insinuated, and Mr. Winkle begins to feel very gloomy indeed.

Cows and the Effervescent Cough Syrup

Chapters 8-14:
Maeve's father, Hillsdayle, visits his drink "making" process, in the dim grunge of his barn. He remembers getting beaten as a child, and considers the morality of women.

Maeve gets bored of summer and thinks about how disgusting the men in her life are, and then gets depressed about her future, feeling stuck in a rut as deep an an ancient cow path.

In the pasture, Queen Tut and Old Saul discuss tea, while Bernadine commits to a trek to the ponds to cool off. Other cows recount a certain torture of a man at the ponds, and plot further mischief.

Down at the ponds, Fitzgerald relives his father's death in nightmares of blood, while up at the homestead, we meet Brian, Maeve's uncle. He's sick in bed with the chills, incontinence, and a stubbornly optimistic view of his absent wife.

The Posthumous Papers of the Pickwick Club

Chapter 2, Part 2:
Mr. Winkle struggles to understand how and why the  fate of a duel has come to him, and attempts to extract sympathy from Mr. Snodgrass. Unfortunately, Mr. Snodgrass is much in favor of honor and agrees to offer any assistance he can.

Much is prepared for the event, although Mr. Winkle will never really be ready. Fortunately, for his humors and his life, all is revealed when Doctor Slammer sees him on the potentially fatal spot. He is declared "Not the man!" and circumstances are explained.

Doctor Slammer invites Mr. Winkle and his associates to his rooms later in the evening, and all seems well for the nonce.

Cows and the Effervescent Cough Syrup

Chapters 15-18:
Hillsdayle remains convinced that someone is stealing his eggs, however also is somehow confused about the reproductive systems of chickens. He plots fortunes in his greed and a hot stuffy hen house.

Fitzgerald wakes from his restless nightmares and tries to hide from reality. He is confused by a tiny cow that turns out to be a cow-like dog that barrels into him at the edge of the pond, and his boots are lost into the depths of the pond. Fitzgerald releases his frustrations against the dog and stares into the pond.

The Posthumous Papers of the Pickwick Club

Chapter 3:
The Pickwick club meets another stranger, a green-coated man of dismal nature, who relates to them a tragic tale of poverty, alcoholism, and abuse.

The whole club, along with the first stranger (who attended the ball with Mr. Tupman), meets Doctor Slammer who is infuriated by the stranger. The stranger still refuses to give his name or apologize. The Doctor departs, having insulted every man in the Pickwick Club, leaving the club members to soothe Mr. PIckwick's rising rage.

Cows and the Effervescent Cough Syrup

Chapters 19-23:
We learn more about the cows, including Old Saul and Francisca. Bernadine summarizes more mythology, about how every 500 years the honorable Derekus comes back, disguised as a dumb animal, and if the cows are ready he would lead them to Greener Pastures. Bernadine is so impatient for this she has even created a poem, called "Greener," a simple verse for a simple cow. She is convinced that Dirk, the dog, is really the brown bull Derekus in disguise.

Fitzgerald continues playing with Dirk, who manages to retrieve the boots from the cool waters of the pond. They wrestle briefly, and bond. Dirk takes a boot and runs away; Fitzgerald takes chase.

Sartorius, Belle, and Sharky begin to slowly circle the humans and freak them out. A devious plot for devious cows.

Brian finds he has a bad fever and a cough, while Fitzgerald meets Maeve and Hillsdayle. Suspicions and accusations are raised.

The Posthumous Papers of the Pickwick Club

Chapter 4:
The whole population of Rochester and nearby towns rise early in the morning to review the regiments of the military. They are joined by Pickwick and his three companions, and there is much jostling in the crowd. Mr. Pickwick is abused by the butt-end of a rifle on multiple occasions, Mr. Snodgrass experiences significant torture, Mr. Winkle gets his hat knocked forward, and Mr. Tupman is made to disappear entirely.

Despite the shoving, the Pickwick Club manages to enjoy the review, to the extent that Mr. Snodgrass recites a blaze of poetry. The four companions enjoy it so much that they find themselves so close to the action, that not only are they excited by the prospect of being fired upon by real ball cartridges, but also are they nearly participants when the two lines converge upon their viewing point. Mr. Pickwick's hat even does marvelous tricks in celebration.

After this, the club is invited up into a carriage to dine and enjoy the view with a stout man, daughters, sister, friend, and fat boy. Feasting on pigeon-pie and much flirtation ensues, and the Pickwick Club is invited to Manor Farm.

Cows and the Effervescent Cough Syrup

Chapters 24-27:
While Sugar and Bernadine spend some pleasant moments together, Bernadine remembers how much she had loved and trusted Sugar, acting as a surrogate mother to her when she joined the herd.

Fitzgerald wakes naked in a darkened room, in a stranger's bed, and starts to think the purple ice-pop crunching girl, Maeve, is insane (disgusting if nothing else), and has bad tea associations with his late mother.

Brian gears himself up to go downstairs, see's Fitzgerald's naked butt, and fears he'll have to fight his way out alive.

The Posthumous Papers of the Pickwick Club

Chapter 5:
In the morning, Mr. Pickwick stands on a bridge and takes in the view. He encounters the dismal man and almost fears for his life, in the midst of the dismal man's dismal views about drowning.

When Pickwick returns to the inn, he finds his companions waiting for him to begin breakfast, and they eat and discuss transportation to Manor Farm. They are offered horses and a small carriage, but nothing to fit all of them and a driver.

Mr. Winkle offers himself to ride a horse, and Mr. Pickwick to drive the carriage. Both men, being brave and experimental souls, take to the road, along with Mr. Snodgrass and Mr. Tupman in the chaise.

Unfortunately, Mr. Pickwick drops the whip, and Mr. Winkle must dismount to hand it back to him. Hilarity ensues, and the four men end up walking to Manor House, leading the horse behind them, footsore and red of face by the time they arrive.

Cows and the Effervescent Cough Syrup

Chapters 28-32:
Brian finally meets the naked man...under the kitchen sink. Fitzgerald is looking for some kind of cleaner and they both seem less than impressed with each other. Beyond that, Fitzgerald continues his questionable relationship with alcohol, and ends up getting extremely drunk with Hillsdayle, who, along with Brian, is nonplussed about dirty footwear.

The adventure continues primarily in the kitchen, where there is a lot of Purgatory and not a lot of food. Does peanut butter macaroni sound tasty to anyone?

Outside, the cows are left to themselves...

The Posthumous Papers of the Pickwick Club

Chapter 6, Part 1:
At the Manor House, the gentlemen of The Pickwick Club meet the clergyman of Dingley Dell and his wife, several fat and/or old gentlemen and several more old ladies. Mr. Wardle introduces them to his mother, who is very hard of (selective) hearing.

The men try to take pride in their homelands, while the ladies summarize to the deaf old lady. They all play some card games, with dubious qualifications and humour. The night ends with more loving conversation about the old place, adjustments to the old lady's ear trumpet, a recited poem from the clergyman, and lead up to "The Convict's Return."

Cows and the Effervescent Cough Syrup

Chapters 33-38:
Outside the barn, Bernadine finds a lack of commitment to Maeve in the other cows. She tries to listen in on their conversations, which start to hint at some spooky ghost stories.

Hillsdayle dreams of the same, of the past, of the death of some calves and his own youth.

The cows continue to disagree with each other, some of them seemingly dedicated to the bizarre fasting and remaining in the grass, and Bernadine on the outskirts...of their bodies and their minds.

Maeve continues to find ways to relieve her boredom: board games and harassing Fitzgerald, thinking about her poor dead chicken pet, and moonlit daydreaming in her room, about her life and the men involved in it.

Hillsdayle does battle with a chicken and his past, and learns about nothing from the encounters.

The Posthumous Papers of the Pickwick Club

Chapter 6, Part 2:
The Pickwick Club, still at Manor House, hear "The Story of the Convict's Return," told by the clergyman. It centers on a youth who grew up with a dedicated and loving mother but an alcoholic and abusive father. He follows the ways of the latter, and after numerous offences and a major robbery ends up in "transportation for fourteen years," a prison term that destroys his mother.

The youth finally feels repentance, and his mother forgiveness, but his mother dies before they can be reunited.

Eventually, the youth a youth no longer, is released and returns to the place where he was raised. He meets loneliness and sad reality, and in amazing coincidence, his father. His father still a broken, ugly soul, strikes his son across the face, and they both struggle against each other for a moment. The old man dies.

The clergyman recites this tale, and confirms that the convict lived (humbled and penitent) and worked another three years (for him, the clergyman), and is now buried in the corner of the churchyard alone and unknown.

Cows and the Effervescent Cough Syrup

Chapters 39-46:
A still-sick Brian pets Francisca and coughs in her face, spraying germs and bits of peppermint candy where she can easily lick them into her own body. Francisca quickly becomes ill, and has some interesting visions, and invites Bernadine into them by licking Bernadine's nose.

Hillsdayle, Maeve, Brian, and Fitzgerald try to play cards. Several of them are extremely inebriated. Maeve sprays them like cats.

Outside, Bernadine begins to feel ill and her brain battles with itself. She decides following Maeve may not actually be the best plan.

Meanwhile, Hillsdayle decides to take Fitzgerald hunting for cows. He seems quite excited to talk about guns. Bernadine witnesses them exit the house and wave their firearms around, and thinks about moseying away, then decides the humans are acting strangely and that she should quickly return to the herd. Hillsdayle sees this and takes his opportunity.

Bernadine is shot, and dies. Fitzgerald, still drunk and reeling, tries to come to terms with the killing.

The Posthumous Papers of the Pickwick Club

Chapter 7:
Mr. Pickwick has an enjoyable night's sleep, and then relishes the morning. He finds his host is going to shoot some rooks before breakfast. He finds his three friends and they all, along with additional companions, proceed to the trees.

Pickwick is momentarily taken aback when he worries for a moment that some youths will be the targets; however the boys are merely there to stir up the birds.

Mr. Winkle finds himself volunteered to shoot rooks, and takes his opportunity. However it is neither bird nor bovine that is shot, but Mr. Tupman. Mr. Tupman, however, survives the incident with only minor injury, to the relief of all parties but most significantly Rachael, the spinster aunt.

Cows and the Effervescent Cough Syrup

Chapters 47-50:

Bernadine gets butchered. Brian and Maeve do most of the work, while Fitzgerald sits this one out, metaphorically at least--neither gore nor alcohol are his friend.

Over several exhausting, aching, and disgusting hours, they salvage some meat and then drive to the pond to dump the remains. Brian and Fitzgerald have dual soliloquies, and Hillsdayle wants to save Bernadine's head and mount it on the wall.

The Posthumous Papers of the Pickwick Club

Chapter 8:

Cows and the Effervescent Cough Syrup

Chapters 51-56:

The cows try to remember what normal means, and start eating again. Belle becomes thirsty and heads toward the ponds. Sartorius desires a swim and meets her there, where they are confronted with Bernadine's ghastly remains. Sartorius goes off again alone, while Belle goes back to the other cows.

Despite a bizarre and continued excess of alcohol, the men somehow make it back to the house, where Maeve does not have dinner ready for them. They lounge some and cough some and reflect some, and then manage to cook a few steaks, which they eat with grubby fingers. Fitzgerald is betrayed by a ketchup packet and the window, and really doesn't feel good by the end of the night.

The Posthumous Papers of the Pickwick Club

Chapter 9:

Sometime past eleven o'clock in the evening, the Pickwick club sits down to dinner with the Wardle family, only to discover that Mr. Jingle and Miss Rachael, the spinster aunt, are nowhere to be found.

Everyone is agog and Mr. Pickwick does not get to eat the hearty meal set for him - instead he is placed into a chaise carriage with Mr. Wardle, who insists they find his sister and the charlatan at once.

They have a bouncy and frustrating ride and actually catch up to Mr. Tupman and Rachael's carriage, but their speed was too much for the carriage and it threw a wheel, resulting in a big pile of confusion.

Mr. Jingle mocks them, and he and Rachael continue on, leaving Mr. Pickwick and Mr. Wardle behind.

Cows and the Effervescent Cough Syrup

Chapters 57-62:

The heat takes its toll on cows and humans and some strange dreams occur. Brian finds a note from his wife; they all interpret it differently, each inspired in a different way.

Brian finds some cough syrup, and other ingredients, with which to attempt a cure.

Fitzgerald is at a loss, of himself, for himself, and feels at an end.

The Posthumous Papers of the Pickwick Club

Chapter 10:

The boot-cleaner named Sam at the White Hart Inn seems busy and overwhelmed with work until he discovers that the folks who need their boots first thing are a lady and gentleman with a private sitting room, and might make his work worthwhile. He shares a long-winded story about his father's marriage license, which leads into the lady and gentleman being discovered as Mr. Jingle and Rachael.

While Mr. Jingle is out acquiring his own marriage license, Mr. Pickwick and Mr. Wardle (along with Mr. Perker, the lawyer) discover Sam and the location of Rachael. Much discussion and negotiation ensues, with the end result of Mr. Jingle taking a payoff in exchange for deserting Rachael.

Cows and the Effervescent Cough Syrup

Chapters 63-68:

The final chapters! They cannot be summarized but must be read.

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The Wolves of Adrestia

Chapter 1:

Miri is an angry teenager with a blended and then broken home. Her father has died and her older brother has run off and left them.

After a usual fight with her stepmother, and calmed slightly by her younger half-brother, she's on her way to visit her ailing grandmother, when they are accosted by some thugs (one a woman in an unbelievably large skirt and one a boy with weird knees) in an alley. The woman points a stick at her, says "Bibbity-bobbity-boo" and Miri is out like a light.

The Wolves of Adrestia

Chapter 2:

Miri finds herself in a strange world. Her cell phone won't work and a small goose is talking to her and she is not pleased.

Turns out the goose and his mother were the ones who attacked her and Kurt in the alley.

According to Madame Goose, Miri has been brought to this world to bring new blood to the story of Little Red Riding Hood. She'll have to face The Big Bad Wolf and if she doesn't lose her courage, she can go home again. Otherwise...she'll become the Wolf.

Madame Goose departs, leaving Miri angrier and more confused than ever. The little goose finds everything quite novel, still being in training. Miri begins a tentative friendship with him and as a private joke, calls him Ryan.

Ryan goes to retrieve her cloak and basket, which he forgot, and Miri starts out on the forest path.

The Posthumous Papers of the Pickwick Club

Chapter 11:

Mr. Pickwick and Mr. Wardle return to Dingley Dell and discover Mr. Tupman has disappeared. The letter he leaves behind indicates despair at losing the Rachael, the "lovely and fascinating creature" and being betrayed by the villainous Mr. Jingle.

Mr. Pickwick and his friends depart Manor Farm and find Mr. Tupman at an alehouse, where Mr. Pickwick finds an inscription on a little stone out front. He determines it to be incredibly important historical treasure, and pays ten shillings to take it.

That night he has trouble falling asleep, as active and excited minds are wont to do, and reads the manuscript that his friend the clergyman gave him earlier in his adventures.

The manuscript is purportedly written by a madman, and discusses feeling doomed to madness by a genetic curse, then coming to riches through the death of his mad ancestors. After receiving his inheritance, he marries a poor girl and believes her family put them together out of greed. As he worries about going mad, he discovers the young woman loves another, and plans to kill her. He attempts to do so but she screams; he instead convinces everyone that she is the mad one. Then she dies, and the madman shrieks with wild emotion. The woman's brother comes, they accuse each other of various offences, the madman tries to kill the brother and then flees into the fields. Eventually he wakes in a prison cell.

At the conclusion of the manuscript, Mr. Pickwick has no trouble falling asleep. There is then discussion of Mr. Pickwick entering the important inscription into record at the Pickwick Club, narrowly missing being thwarted by his enemy Mr. Blotton, who also writes a pamphlet discussing how the inscription is mere graffiti.

The Wolves of Adrestia

Chapter 3:

Miri thinks about her grandmother while on the path "to Grandmother's house". Soon, she does battle with the wolf.

After this encounter, she is bruised and bitten, and Ryan finally catches up with her.

Then the WOLF catches up with her. The Big Bad Wolf, rather than a normal wolf of the forest, can speak and is much more human like, which is even more terrifying. He threatens and intimidates and then leaves them on the path.

Miri discovers she's got fireworks in her basket, and that her canines seem a little sharper than they used to be.

Then she hears another voice in the forest.

The Posthumous Papers of the Pickwick Club

Chapter 12 & 13 (Part 1):

Due to his extraordinary social graces and communication skills, Mr. Pickwick accidentally gets engaged.

After that the Pickwick party encounters a town about to have an election, with both sides (the Blue and the Buff) each strongly supported by a different newspaper.

The Pickwick party chooses Blue, due to the inn at which they have sought room and board. They learn many fascinating things about the election proceedings and the people of the town, including the propensity to liquor and laudanum up other townsfolk to keep them from switching votes and also from actually voting.

The Wolves of Adrestia

Chapter 4:

Miri meets Mo, a boy stuck as Peter Pan. They share good conversation, and find they've got a few things in common, including "resilience" and some murky and mercurial moods.

A bad fate befalls Ryan.

The Posthumous Papers of the Pickwick Club

Chapter 13 (Part 2):

The Pickwick Club hears tell of some shady election practices, Sam tells some stories, Mr. Pickwick is accused of lechery, and his hat is sorely abused.

Many polls were conducted, and the election was concluded.

The Wolves of Adrestia

Chapter 5:

Miri and Mo continue along his path, getting to know each other and learning more of the woods, while Miri learns a little more of her wolfish self as well.

They come across Alma and Patience, two women who have been in the land of stories for some lengthy time, and have their own ideas of how to deal with Madame Goose.

The Posthumous Papers of the Pickwick Club

Chapter 14 (Part 1):

The Pickwickians imbibe more alcohol, and swap stories, and listen to The Bagman's Tale, which is about youth, and travel, and love and a smart girl. And also a chair that winks at Tom Smart.

The Wolves of Adrestia

Chapter 6:

Miri and Mo stay with Patience and Alma in their manor, eat salads, and learn some of Madame Goose's secrets. Mo and Alma make each other blush.

Then, pirates!

The Peter Pan story has come to find Mo, despite his detour. He is shot in the leg.

The Posthumous Papers of the Pickwick Club

Chapter 14 (Part 2):

Tom Smart, as told by the Bagman, starts talking to a chair. He gains some inspiration and some courage, and with the help of the talking chair convinces the smart girl (a widow) of the deceit of her other suitor. The chair, sadly, becomes just a chair.

The Wolves of Adrestia

Chapter 7:

Miri, with lupine strength, carries Mo to the shore to meet Captain Hook, and tries to convince him to fight. She tries to leave him to his story, but can't help but interfere.

Alas, Miri's assistance proves to be not that, and Mo does not go home.

The Posthumous Papers of the Pickwick Club

Chapter 15 (Part 1):

Mr. Pickwich and friends encounter more of society's darlings, and listen to some fine and beautiful poetry about an expiring frog.

Mr. Tupman and Mr. Pickwick trade insults and call each other fellows, have breakfast, and meet the intriguing Count Smorltork.

The Wolves of Adrestia

Chapter 8:

A happy reunion, and Ryan rejoins Miri's path. Madame Goose has plenty to say, and gives it to Miri in a candy house, calling out Miri's foibles and egging her anger. Then they take a trip.

The Posthumous Papers of the Pickwick Club

Chapter 15 (Part 2):

Count Smorltork takes great notes for his writings, the poetess socializes, and much silverware is dropped. Mr. Jingle returns, as someone else, of course, and a coach is set in motion.